it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
