Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize