I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
