i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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