He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
