Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
