hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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