Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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