nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
