just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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