Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I understand Curling. That high.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
