yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Alive.
So much puke
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
