The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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