yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
