if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
