True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
