Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
