my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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