That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
