Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
