so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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