I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
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It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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