When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
