my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
