I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
