What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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