Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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