K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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