I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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