Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
