I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
