ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
