your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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