No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
