you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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