Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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