so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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