I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
