I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
