We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
