tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
