it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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