They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
