something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
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I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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