so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
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It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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