you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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