just tell him i said nine months
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
