ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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