I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
