We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
