id be glad to
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
