just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
