obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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