im holly from the hills drunk
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
