Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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