Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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