We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
