My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
