Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
God I need to hump something, right now.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
