Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
