Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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