What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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