people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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