What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
how does that bad decision feel?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
