i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize