The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
