even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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