He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
