I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
