i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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