whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
