Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
