my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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