I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
