i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
