some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I want to fling myself into the sun
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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