..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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