I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
