you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
