I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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