On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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